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#1 Mir-Peace


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Posted 24 March 2017 - 06:46 AM

Peace and mercy of Allah be on you.

There are times when marriages become unpeaceful and cause stress for couple, children and parents of couple.


Ahmadiyya Khalifah (may Allah be his Helper) analyzing the matter said that On one hand, matrimonial ties of young women are not made in their proper age by the family with excuse that they are studying. And eventually, when ties are made in over-ripe age, after completion of education, excuses are made that understating in couple is not possible....Some lady friends of young women fill wrong thoughts in their minds and teach them to make such and such demand from their husbands, and do not listen everything husbands say……Sometimes parents too, teach things to young women which finish the mutual trust between husband and wife or doubts begin to rise.



It is sad to see immigrant girls who make matrimonial ties in developed countries, they get colour of this society and begin to make wrong demands. Or sometimes, as soon as they reach in materially advanced countries, they break the ties even before starting new home.


This state is not only of young women. Young men too are doing same, perhaps more in proportion.  The reason being, many young men and women too do not speak ‘qole sadid’ (true words). It has special connection with matrimonial ties. The special emphasis about ‘qol e sadid’ is made in verses which are read at the occasion of Nikah sermon…. Full circumstances are not mentioned to each other.



Sometimes, parents force young women for marriage to a certain person that he will be improved. These matrimonial ties have no parity in education and living style.


Similarly some young men have interest for some other women but they do not refuse parents and marry in (native country) or in relatives in (materially advanced country). Then after sometime, oppression starts to those helpless girls, first by husband then by the very mother-in-law who had brought her with lot of desire, and they by in-laws.


Anyway, hundred per cent blame of all these probems cannot be placed on any one specific, whether on young men or young women or in-laws of either side. In some case, boys are responsible and in some girls.


Furthermore, family problems affect children too.  In some cases, after having many children, and living a good life, all of sudden the brain of man become irrational and he says he cannot live with his wife, therefore he is going to do another marriage or divorcing the wife…… Or after a long time, a wife says she has lived life with this man with lot of troubles, now she cannot bear anymore so she needs khula (procedure, by which wife takes divorce from husband). More applications come for khula in qada…..Any way, in such situations the children are affected. It is proven by worldly institutions that children suffer psychologically and morally, no matter, with whom they are living.


It does not matter who is responsible for these troublesome circumstances, whether husband who say wife create trouble:

- as they pursue career, in western society, and do not manage relation,

- or husband want to live with parents in start and wife do not want so,

- or wife do not have religious knowledge.   


OR, wrong expectations are put on the husband, for example, he is asked to get new house immediately and it should be his property too.


Further problems are:

--The intrusion by young woman’s parents, in the matters of couple.


--The complaints, due to not telling true circumstances. Qol e sadid (right words), which is very important, is not used. 

--Likewise, young women have some negative thoughts about man and his family. For example, man’s parents or relatives will continue to praise man before woman and try to belittle her by some excuse; she is small in height, fat, unfair colour etc….. If women is doing job for some reason, then too she listens taunting.


--Family of husband interferes in mutual relations of husband and wife.


--Wives complaints husband do not fulfill responsibility of marriage. Young men of 25/26 think they are little, they are not eligible to do marriage and cannot fulfill responsibility….If they are really little then why do they marry?


Any how  series of complaints continue from both sides.


--In cases, complaints arise after many years. Children begin to grow. These are childish matters, impatience and wrong friendships create these issues.


If the reason of these family problems of various age groups is stated in one sentence, it is:

Being away from deen, ignorance and no interest of religious teachings, worldliness and having attraction for worldly things. 


Thus if the solution of these problems has to be found, it should be in the light of teaching of deen because we claim we are Ahmadi and give precedence to deen over worldly life….We find the solution in Holy Quran, Ahadith and in the teaching of Hazrat Promised Messiah (on whom be peace). It is our good fortune that we believed in Islam, we are Muslim and then, in this era, accepted Hazrat Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) who took pledge from us that we shall give precedence to deen over world in any case. 


Thus this guidance of Holy Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) should always be remembered as top priority, which he asked to follow at the time of finding the spouse. This tradition is narrated by Hazrat Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him). Holy Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said, marriage to a woman is done due to four reasons; her wealth, her ancestry, her beauty and her deen. So you choose woman with deen. May Allah do good for you.


If young men and their families keep this guidance before them, then women and their families will make deen their priority. With deen as priority, many complaints and reservation on all sides will be finished. The young man, in search of woman with deen, prioritizing deen, he will have to mold his actions according to deen.   The one who will be practicing deen, there will be no discord and mischief in his house at little issues. And also family of men will not be making troubles for women.  


Islam teaches that although it is priority to see deen, sometimes every supposed match is not proper for other person, that is why do Istikharah before making matrimonial ties. Seek goodness from Allah the Exalted for matrimonial tie and if goodness is not there in it according to Allah the Exalted, may He put hindrance in it.


Hazrat Khaliftul Messiah I (may Allah be pleased with him) once said about it in very beautiful way that Holy Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) has done great benevolence by telling us such a way if we follow it, inshaAllah surely Nikah will be cause of delight and the cause and aim of Nikah is told in Holy Quran - that it should become cause of satisfaction and affection - it is produced.  The first most plan is told to find deen. Beauty, wealth or only ancestry should not be the motive. First the intention should be good, then secondly do a lot of Istikharah before Nikah.


When servant prays to Allah the Exalted may he live with satisfaction, love, affection, and pray if there is satisfaction and goodness in it for me then may this tie is knotted. Then married life passes  very successfully, but remember Satan continues to attack after marriage too by various ways. Thus this prayer should be done continuously that may the marriage always continue with love, affection and satisfaction.   



Hazrat Khalifatul Messiah I (r.a.) said about the verses which are recited in Nikah sermon, there in there is advice is to keep Taqwa in view, have the regard for rehmi-relations [womb-related relations, relations due to female],  speak qol e sadid [straight, right talk], make review what you are sending for your tomorrow. If you want to see successes in  life, Taqwa is very essential….[After Istikharah, in the verses read at Nikah sermon] Allah draws attention that these verses should be used, and one should  consider the result of his deeds and ponder. Then, at the occasion of greetings for Nikah, Holy Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) taught prayer “barakallaho laka wa Baraka alaikoma wa jama’aa bainakoma fil khair” i.e. may Allah the Exalted grant you blessing, send blessing on you both, and gather you both on goodness.


Thus at each occasion, prayer for goodness and blessing is done, then matrimonial relations are blessed.


Some people are still entangled [under influence of south Asian environment] in clan, ancestry and caste while Allah the Exalted says when suggestion for marriage comes, do dua and Istikharah, give precedence to deen. Then instead doing Dua and giving precedence to deen, they view  clan and caste. Hazrat Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) says: “Only it should be seen in rishta nata [matrimonial connection] that with whom Nikah is to be done, he is naik-bakht [pious] and naik-waza [pious-mannered] man, and is not inflicted with any evil which causes mischief. And it should be remembered that, in deen, caste is not regarded, only Taqwa and naik-bakhti is regarded.”


Thus the basic principle is to see Taqwa, other all things are bid'aat (bad-additions).


Yes Kufw should be seen, but there should be no rigidity in it. What are limits of kufw [match, equal, fit, suitable, competent]?.....A person asked Hazrat Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) an Ahmadi wants to marry his daughter to a non-kufw ahmadi, even though own kufw is available. What is your instruction? He (a.s.) said, if relation according to desire, is available in own kufw it is better than to make relation with non-kufw. But this matter is not like obligation. Everyone can well know his benefit and wellness of his children in these matters. If one does not see anyone else able in kufw, then there is no harm in making relation at other place. It is not permitted to force such person to marry his daughter to kufw in any case.


Hazrat Khalifatul Messiah II (r.a.) narrated that once such a person came to Hazrat Khalifatul Messiah I (r.a.) and said he is Syed and has a daughter, please help him . He (r.a.) said he was ready to give him all those things for marriage which Holy Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) gave to her daughter Hazrat Fatimah (r.a.)….. The person felt it was insult….. He (r.a.) replied your honour is in being Syed. If by giving such dowry  Holy Prophet  (s.a.w.) was not insulted why did he feel so?  


So sometimes young women hear taunting that jehaz (dowry) is less. Above narration is lesson for those who give psychological trouble to women, and it is lesson for parents of women that dowry should be given according to capacity.


Before doing Itikhara, the would-be spouse should be seen….. Hazrat Abu Hurairah (r.a.) reported that he was present with Holy Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allah be on him). A man from Ansaar came to Holy Prophet  (s.a.w.) and said he has sent message of interest for marriage to a woman of Ansaar. Holy Prophet  (s.a.w.) asked him whether he has seen her? The man said no. Holy Prophet  (s.a.w.) said first see her because  there is something in the eyes of Ansar.


Thus there is no harm to see the would be bride. But some members from young man visit the potential bride with arrogance. They say they have come since matrimonial suggestion department has suggested this relation but despite photographs are already seen, particulars are exchanged, yet they delay in giving response. They make strange talks. And if meanwhile they find someone better world-wise, they end the previous interest. It is wrong way. Majority of Ahmadi young women respect their parents, and accept their suggestions for marriage. But at some places, family of man comes, sees and then remains silent. As photo, height etc is seen, then why prolonging or passing comments, why giving psychological trouble to woman? If the purpose of marriage which is taught by deen, is practiced, then neither of such troubles should take place, nor family of man should show arrogance and play with emotions of woman.



Hazrat Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) tells the purpose of marriage: “Quran has taught us that do Nikah to remain righteous, and pray to get virtuous children as He says in His pure Kalam, mohseneena ghaira musafeheen, i.e. your Nikah should be with intention that you enter in the castle of Taqwa and righteousness. It too is present in the words mohseneen that who does not marry, he not only fall in spiritual calamities, but fall in physical calamities too. Thus it is proven from Quran Sharif that  there are three benefits of marriage; purity and restrain-ness, safety of health and children.”


If these things are kept in view, then problems do not take place when relations are decided. Instead of seeing worldliness, first see deen and then comes above mentioned benefits for marriage.

Please read further in Part 2, below


Edited by Mir-Peace, 24 March 2017 - 06:53 AM.

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#2 Mir-Peace


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Posted 24 March 2017 - 06:52 AM


In some homes, discord takes place because when young woman come for marriage, husband does not have separate house, and he lives with his parents…In some situations, there is helplessness e.g. husband has not sufficient income or is still student. Girl should know these constraints, she should live for some years in these circumstances but sometimes girl or her parents hastily break the relation altogether and get khula after marriage. This is wrong method. If cannot live with in-laws, tell earlier and do not marry so soon as condition of boy’s family is not such.


But some boys due to their irresponsible nature or by pressure from parents live with them even though they can afford separate house. They make excuse  that parents are elderly, that is why living with them is essential, other siblings too live with parents. Even if siblings are not there, parents’ general state is not such that they cannot live separate…..In this scenario, it stubbornness of boy’s parents.


What does Islam says about it? Allah the Exalted says in Holy Quran: Translation [ch24: partly 62] “There is no harm for the blind and there is no harm for the lame, and there is no harm for the sick and none for yourselves, that you eat from your own houses, or the houses of your fathers, or the houses of your mothers……..” 


Hazrat Khalifatul Messiah I (r.a.) explains that, especially in Hindustan, people often complain about clash between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. If they act on Holy Quran, it will not happen. Look, in this verse, it is present that mother’s house and married progeny’s house should be separate.


Permission of eating implies so. Thus, houses should be separate except due to any constraint. It will end problems of mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, and  sister-in-laws….. Husband and wife will feel their responsibilities.


Some people ask young man before marriage whether he is owner of house, if not they do not make marriage relation. It is wrong way, instead of worldly greed, people of woman should see deen of man. House can be made slowly if love and affection is in home…..Likewise compliants come from some countries that people do not want to marry their daughters with our newly prepared Murabiyan (missionaries)  because they are life-devotees. It is wrong too, deen should be seen.



Allah the Exalted asks men that they should not make decision in haste at talks of women, should not treat them bad, should not get upset at their words. …Allah the Exalted says: Translation [ch4;part of verse 20] “……..and consort with them in kindness; and if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing wherein Allah has placed much good.”


Hazrat Khalifatul Messiah I (r.a.) explains: Dears, you see if you dislike something of your wife, behave well with her, Allah the Exalted says we shall put goodness in it, maybe something is good in reality but you perceive it bad.


Thus those husbands who haste in leaving wives, or do not treat her well, or do not care about passions of women, or feel bad at some of their matters and behave wrongly with them. It is guidance for them, then, behave well with women. Do not haste to decide about wives’ negative things which are negative according to you, because it is possible that there is hidden goodness in that apparent disliked issue and you lose that goodness due to your haste.  … Thus Allah the Exalted has guided in various ways to behave well with women, men should keep it in view.


There are problems  related to men’s second marriage or desire for it, discord in homes are created. Men should remember, if there is permission for second marriage in Islam, it is given by keeping in view some conditions and right need. Its purpose is not that they have children, home is happy, then under the effect of environment or because Allah the Exalted gave some prosperity, then they again marry for enjoyment, or marry after making illicit friendships.


Hazrat Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) has give detailed guidance about it. It should be kept in view. He (a.s.) said: “Law of God should never be used against His Will, and benefit should not be taken from it such that it become a shield for passions of self.[i.e divine law used not be used as excuse to fulfill desires of self]  Remember, to do so is sin. God the Exalted repeatedly says that lust should not overtake you. Instead,Taqwa should be your aim in every matter. Often, when wives would be taken by making Shariah as shield, to follow lusts then what will be result except that other nations will object that Muslims have nothing else to do except having wives. [It is not permitted to marry by using lust as shield, it is wrong to make illicit relation, leave previous wives, and marry  new women, it is wrong way. If people object that would be right that Muslims have no other thing do except doings marriages.] The fornication, by name only, is not sin, rather coming of lusts in hearts openly is sin. The part of earthly gains should be very less in human life. Be the proof of : Translation [ch9: part of v82] “They must laugh little and weep much …..” But the person whose earthly gains are in abundance, and he is busy with wives day and night, when will he get riqat (softness) and do weeping. [same is true for other laghwiyat (unreasonable things), in which human gets indulgence]. The state of many people is that, they make all means in support and following a thought, and by so they fall away from real purpose of God the Exalted. God the Exalted, though,  has allowed certain things, but it does not mean that life should be spent in it only.  God the Exalted says about the attribute of His servant: Translation: [ch25: part of v 65] “…..spend the night before their Lord, prostrate and standing.”….Now look, the one who is drowned in wives day and night, how can he spend night in worship according to Will of God? His getting wives is like as if He makes associates with God. Holy Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) had nine wives, despite them he would spend the whole night in worship………Remember well, the real Will of God is this, that lusts should not overtake you, and to complete Taqwa if true need occur, then have another wife. [Thus review is needed for those who desire to do other marriage, whether it is based on Taqwa or emotions of self.]……It should be known that the person who marry more wives due to following the lust he lives far from kernel of Islam. Every day which rises and the night which comes, if he does not spend life with bitterness or weep less or does not weep at all, and laughs more then, it should be remembered he is the target of destruction.”


He (a.s.) advised women too that if man wants to marry due to permitted reason then there should not be complaint. But he told them also that it is your right to pray that may Allah the Exalted do not bring this trouble for you..As he  (a.s.) told  men that marriage should not be only to fulfill desire. He (a.s.) said: “In our this era, women too are involved in certain bad innovations. They see matter of multiple Nikah with very bad view as if they do not believe it. They do not know, God’s Shariah has each kind of cure in it. Thus if matter of multiple Nikah was not present in Islam, then such conditions which occurs for men for second Nikah, there would have been no solution of them in this Shariah, for example if woman become insane or have leprosy, or get some disease permanently which makes disable or any other situation is faced that woman become mercy-able but become disable, and man too become mercy-able that he can not be patient for abstention  then in this state it is oppression to powers of man that he is not allowed for second Nikah. In fact by viewing these matters God’s Shariah has kept the path open for men. And at helpless-nesses the way is open for women too that if man become disable, they can get khulah through judge which is substitute of divorce. Shariah of God is like shop of medicine seller. If shop is not like that, from where medicine of each ailment can be obtained, that shop can not function. Thus ponder, is it not truth that  certain such difficulties appear for men, in which they become compelled for second Nika. That Shariah is of what use, in which cure of all difficulties is not present. See,  in Injeel,  about matter of divorce, the only condition for divorce was fornication, and other hundreds of ways which create life animosity between man and woman, they were not mentioned at all.”..He (a.s.) said advising women, “O Ladies, do not be worried, the Book which  you received, is not dependent of human treatment and in that Book, as the rights of men are preserved likewise rights of women are saved too. If woman is angry at the multiple marriage of man, she can get khula through judge. It was God’s responsibility that the various situations which Muslims were going to face, He would mention them in His Shariah so that Shariah would not be defective. Thus, you O ladies, do not complain about God the Exalted, at the plans of your husbands that they want to do second Nikah, instead you pray that may God save you from trouble and trial [permission of this prayer is given if they want another Nikah, God save you from this trouble and trial so that they do not do other marriage.] Surely, that man is very cruel and accountable who does not justice after marrying two wives. But you should not become target of divine wrath by yourself  by doing disobedience of God. Everyone will be made accountable for his act. If you become virtuous in the sight of God the Exalted, your husband will be made virtuous.  Although Shariah, due to various wisdom, has declared multiple marriages permissible, but the law of qada o qadar (God’s decision  and fate) is open for you. If law of Shariah is unbearable for you, then through prayer, get benefit from law of qada and qadar because the law of qada and qadar dominates law of Shariah too.  Adopt Taqwa, do not attach heart too much with world and its adornment. [what is law of qada and qadar, i.e. do Dua may Allah the Exalted remove the thought of second marriage from the heart of that man. Though he is permitted but said, if you do prayer which comes from heart then it is possible your Dua is accepted and you do not get into that trouble and occasion of marriage does not arise.]


May Allah the Exalted grant wisdom and ability to members of Jama'at, men and women that they solve their family matters according to teaching of Allah the Exalted, and may give priority to deen instead of earthly desires,  may they always keep the fear of Allah the Exalted and Taqwa before them. Likewise, may Allah the Exalted remove problems of new matrimonial ties, many problems are developing, may He enable young men and young women to understand that matrimony is not only to fulfill worldly purposes, rather by giving priority to deen , it should be to make future generations to practice deen, and to develop virtuous generations, so that future genartions should be safe and service Islam, and like that become heirs of favours of Allah the Exalted . [Aameen]


Reference:   Based on  Friday sermon (March 3, 2017) by Hazrat Khalifatul Messiah V (may Allah help him with His Mighty Help)
Russian Translation of original address @ 

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#3 Arsen02



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Posted 25 December 2017 - 11:13 AM

Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a socially or ritually recognised union between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between those spouses, as well as between them and any ..

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